7th Avenue

Number 1. The day that doors or walls keep hitting my shoulders.
(I don’t mind it from like the 3rd time)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 2. When I look up at the sun and think "Ooh what a beautiful moon tonight."
(It makes me feel good for a moment)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 3. When staring at the cell phone screen then my eyes start to wander, and my one eye is in focus at ca. 1M away and the other eye is barely watching the blurry screen before I know it.
(But I can still read words and such)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 4. When I can’t understand the meaning of words and images in a manga then reread the same page a couple of times, but my brain cannot process information at all and I end up giving up and shutting the manga.
(Having this when reading Death Note is less *dangerous* than reading "Lunatic Zatsugidan")

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 5. When I go straight to bed after getting home, then wake up next morning and remember it that I’ve waken up once at midnight and uploaded a message half asleep, then check the content in a rush.
(It really scares me)
(Actually "Late-night English lesson" of the day before yesterday is the one)

Number 6. When I’ve gone to school with my pajamas on.
(I don’t care if someone says "You look like someone escaped from the hospital . . .")
(Could be very *dangerous* if I start thinking "Why shouldn’t we go out in pajamas?""What’s wrong with pajamas?")

That happ

That doesn’t happen ! ! ! ahahaha….

But that really happens to me! *snorts* (Why be arrogant)
You say someone could notice me outside? It seems I look like a mad woman or poor fish or both of them, so actually nobody notices me because it’s like people consider me as someone they shouldn’t see! (Maybe I’ll post this to "Trvia no Izumi")(Mom, I just heard the voice say "Don’t do it . . . " in my head)

There’s no twist ending at all.

Situations That Makes you too embarassed to confess

The boy, who was 1 year ahead of me in the elementary & junior high, has become a great dancer before I knew it!

w(’o')w Woow

Look at this. He’s flying. He’s dancing in the air.

I wonder what the percentage of his body fat is.

His name is Hattori Yukichi kun!
(Many of you’d have seen him in TOP RUNNER I guess?)

I learned about the stage he was to direct, choreograph and star, so I went straight to it with a friend of mine who graduated from the same school as me.

His appearance was not changed at all - his face, back and such looked just the same as they were, but his inside was changed so much, which made me surprised!

He looked great in a lot of ways, matured into a pretty nice guy. When in our 1st year at junior high . . . I remember he was such an annoying kid hehe… He was such a naughty kid, spoke fast and abbrasive ( . . . Huh? Am I talking about myself?) . . . I wonder just how many times he hit my head from behind when I sat right in front of him in Japanese language class . . .

Yukichi kun is the guy who hit my head most in my life. I always thought "Damn it~!" but was too afraid of him to fight back as I was his younger and junior.

So that way, he made a big impression to me.

I thought he wouldn’t remember me at all since he soon changed his school, but when he visited me today, which was a really big surprise, He said he heard of my case from a friend and decided to pay me a vist since he vaguely remembers me as that "girl with long tempting sikly black hair to tug on!" … really????

"Yeah, I was such a naughty kid at that time~!" He himself admitted it, so just let it go at this

So it was for the first time in 8 years~. It felt strange. Kinda creepy. The situation felt so, I mean. I felt time was space. Close yet so far away. But it exists right out there!

This stage titled RHAPSODY IN BLUE, is being held at Bunkamura in Shibuya this weekend. (*advertises*)

It was very fun. It was the type of stage that people who weren’t familiar with dance could enjoy. If you like music you may get into it soon.

The stage direction was quite youthful, in a good meaning! It was full of young energy, or rather, motivation. The most impressive thing was the movement of Yukichi kun though. Other performers were good too, but he was outstanding. His appearance immediately changed the stage atmosphere.

I better do my best too … FIGHTO!!!

By the way, the thing in the photo is an application form for his fan club I was given at the theater, not that I am a member of his fan club ! ! hehe

Anyway, how were you peoples’ Father’s day? Mine would be same ol same ol, it’s just me, my bed and some Tulips from Chiaki. I tried calling my Dad a million times but no answer. I’m sure his sons would’ve made him a nice gift though…

What do you think?? *snorts* hehe I made it with my barehands. sew em. Kinda childish don’t you think?

heh… He always said I was childish and would never grow up… SO I thought, being optimistic, he loves me the way I am, me his baby girl (If that ever happens…) Does this look like me…? damn… Innochi-san did not buy me the right materials and my hands could barely move. It’s like I try hard to get a hard grip but I sort of lost that strength. Jesus. Daddy I hope you like this gift… If you would ever get it.

Kei-chan visited me today. He ahs been watching too much cartoons… TOO MUCH.

Guess what he said when I told him I needed 3 more days to recover?

"CHEESE AND CRACKERS!!"

ahahaha oh my god he is so cute!!! My baby kei chan!!!! baby kuma kei chan!!! I miss you!

Alright I didn’t write this sooner, but I went to Shou-chan’s wedding reception the day before yesterday~! It was a pain having to being forced by my mother up from the ward (which somehow she worked her magic into buying the doctors to release me) wrapping myself in a Christian Lacroix evening gown which almost made me puke and limping my way to the reception… But it was fun!

Shou-chan looked a little different from usual, which was a cute thing, and his bride was beyond cuteness! (I don’t write her name here but her name is cute as well)

The reception was full of content, with a taste of quite Shou-chan-ish nice entertainment, common touching moments also, and gorgeous performances.

Tokumitsu-san the host was quite cynical and interesting as expected, and I listened to Naotaro’s live singing after a long time, which was so good~

By the way two kids were sitting at the same table with me, and we hit it off very well together. When I started drawing pictures and words on the jellylike sauce which came with the appetizer dish with a spoon, it caught their interest greatly and all 3 of us started creation in all seriousness.

First I drew the word "KUMA," then tried to draw Kuma- Chan next to it but failed so gave it up. Aoi-chan beside me drew her own name neatly. I sorta felt like I was beaten.

And there was a piece of white bear and key ornament which looks exactly like one I have… I wanted to ask her but was afraid, what If she thinks I am trying to take it from her!? O.O Aww, I really wanted to ask her. Or I could ask Innochi to do so for me . . . *regrets*

It wasn’t until I returned home, that I noticed I didn’t take any pictures of the reception at all since I don’t take pictures regularly . . . I could have uploaded some here if I’d taken something! (But it’s a pain for me to take pictures in such an occasion like that)

Still I took ceremonial photos with a number of people (whom I didn’t know), so perhaps some photos of me in my private one-piece might be seen somewhere in the meantime

That’s not a big deal for me.

What made me frustrated most was, the moment I thought of taking a picture of the dish with the written "KUMA," the hotel staff person came and ask me " . . . Would it be all right if I clear this dish away?", so I was taken off guard and replied "Oh, yes, no problem" . . . !

"She’s getting too old for this . . . " I’m pretty sure he’d think that way… haha

Dear all…

I think I’ve been in such a really really, ok wait, maybe not think, I AM in a very very very tough condition. A condition which brings me back when I was 14, the condition where you lay down helplessly, no one’s beside you, the one you hope comes for you, isn’t here for you. Lord, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t feel the same anymore. Feels like I’ve just went through another phase of life, a phase where I can stand up again but never will be the same again. Should I just go visit Oprah? She’d be great help haha…

Anyway I’m up from my sleep! Yosh! I know many of you find it hard to believe, but I guess the hardest things to believe are actually the ones that frequently happens. And There are things, I never believed would happen… happens. I’m writing this to all you friends… since I can’t quite be on any other form of communications right now.

First off… How did I get into a coma? Boy the procedure was dreadful… Doctors could o0nly induce you into coma only if you’re at the most critical state, to keep you alive so your body won’t go against the machineries. Most of you know what sickness I have… And it has worsen somehow, mainly because I have no grip of myself ahahaha… So I’m to blame hehe. Till the extent where I could not breathe, that’s when they have to drug me off with Mandozolims (was it spelt this way, since I never heard of it) to keep me at an average sleep.

Honestly, I though I’d wake up to 20 years later, but nope, 3 weeks later my eyes opened. I could see the light again. I couldn’t move a muscle, I didn’t know what was happening. And then that’s when memories started pouring in. And the pain in the heart, I really wished it was physical instead of mental pain. I’ve never felt this way before, it was different from every other hurting I’ve been through… It was so different… something, no matter how much I want to handle and get a grip on, slips through my fingers like grains of sands.

Being in a coma… I couldn’t quite feel or remember how it was, felt like it was just 2 seconds of closing my eyes… but I had so many visions… Visions of us, visions of him… visions of him and her… visions of God… Vision of that dream. It was pleasent yet unpleasent. Bittersweet. Painful. I could feel it.

I don’t know what to write actually heh… You guys must be thinking "she’s a freak" "jing hyun you never have been this weak" "useless" "why over a guy?" I guess you are right… But no one can deny… this love I have inside. As stupid as I could be, i’ve made up my mind… I’m hopeless. I Just gotta live this life with this love remained in my heart, with or without him, even if he’s with someone else. Believe me, I am happy for him. I am not jealous… Eversince I knew him all i wanted was him to be happy. Even if it hurts and kills me from the inside… I can sitll smile the way I am.

Actually… I don’t quite want anybody to know about my life, It’s like the movies at times. Honestly, I wished it was never like the movies. If you were here… no, you’d wish these tears away. Anyway I am just gonna give in to faith this time… webcams, phone talks, are my last hope, to let things die happily, everyone leaving with a happy heart. No vengeance no hatred… just peace and love. Is that possible…? Lord help me.

Many nights I pray, with no proof anyone could hear… In my heart a hopeful song I barely understood. Still I tried to reminisce all the songs that has been with me and him all the way. Songs I hum in my room alone hoping he’d hear and put him to sleep… Songs that I hum whenever I walk alone on the streets hoping he’d hear from the skies above I’m always with him.

Joseph… Just because I am not there to say "I love you" does not mean I don’t love you. It will never end, with or without you. Many times I felt the love you had for me, died when I was in my sleep. The heart of your just stopped beating, but I prayed harder, hoping you’d come back. But God told me, letting go, is also another form of love.

Love… comes in so any forms. Forms we can’t explain, forms we can’t see. It builds itself in various ways. True love, puppy love, false love, short love, long distance love, love, lost love… and more… It’s love.

Everyone, has a caption of their true-love. A shot of their true-love. Mine was when i first knew you, that geeky way you smiled on the cam, holding the tomato bottles up. That picture has remained in my head through all times.

We go through so many things together. Everyone, you and me. But when will it be time when we could finally achieve that happiness we have all been searching for?

Could anyone tell me answers for these questions…?

Is True love a one-sided love?

Those true Love comes only once in a lifetime?

Is True Love True…?

Does it die?

Will we ever achive peace?

Will the world ever be a place of harmony?

Is this a life of meaning or happiness?

Why aren;t you here with me…?

Taken From Hiroko’s Diary 07.05.12

Well now, the ding dong ditch thing. I just had it 2 or 3 times though.

I
think all of them were done just around the same time of the weekday
afternoon . . . That’s why I’m guessing it might be by a kid on the way
home from school.

I see I have 3 options . . .

1 To ignore it.

I just let it go and don’t care.

2 To stake out.

Like
a detective in the drama, I go get a canned coffee and sandwiches at
the convenience store, sit down at the entrance of my home, and read Chibimaruko  from the 1st volume.  Remain there with patience.

Finally
on hearing the ding dong sound, I jump up like an athlete who reacts to
the "Go!" signal, and open the door ! ! With loud laugh like
"HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!"! Can you beat it! I’m pretty sure if it is a
small kid, he/she would be paralyzed with terror. ("Wh, What the hell
is wrong with this woman . . . !")
That way I put the fear of adults in the kid.

3 To ding dong ditch too

How come??? ahahah

I’ve
never done it since I was a ‘good’ girl~. Reading through your e-mails
I found there were more people than I thought who did it when they were
little, which made me surprised. Well, but then again, you may not do
it, ’cause you feel creepy and bad if someone does it to you.

Good
boys and girls! You don’t do stuff like ding dong ditch! A scaaary
kinky woman like me might be sitting at the entrance. !Clang!
"HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW ! ! !" - if the doors are opened to you that
way, you feel quite scary, right? (I just would like to do this, actually . . . )

Taken from Hiroko’s diary 18th May 2007

Tobiko, I loved so much when I was a kid ! ! ! (I’ll write it as "Tobiko" from here since it seems like "Tobikko" is a registered trademark, but in my mind I still call it "Tobikko")

I’ve never had a chance to eat it over the past dozen years or so although I loved it best among all the sushi items. I haven’t seen it in sushi restaurants; couldn’t find its name on the menus either. Sometimes I asked "You wouldn’t happen to have Tobiko, would you . . . "(asks timidly) but always got this answer: "No, ma’am."

Has Tobiko been a rare fish? Has the number of sushi restaurants having Tobiko been getting fewer lately ? I feel like I’ve eaten it a lot when I was a child . . . I thought about things like that, and then . . .

My friend: "Huh? Tobiko?? So you like Tobiko?? Then why don’t you just go visit sushi-go-round restaurants?"

（ﾟﾛﾟ）

Wwwhhhaaattt ! ! ! ! ! !
Are you serious ! ! ! ! !

"Oh, but I say a little slicker sushi-go-round restaurants may not have it"

Huh? What does it mean?

"I bet you can’t have it in those higher-priced sushi restaurants. ‘Cause it’s considered as a bit different type of fish. It’s somewhat off the standard sushi items, just like Tuna-and-Mayonase if I name it?"

EEEhhhhh ! ! ! ! ! Why ! How come! Tobiko tastes good! I mean, it’s not off the standard!
That can’t be true . . . Oh My God!

Although my mind was still in confusion by the astounding revelation, I went out straight to a sushi-go-round restaurant since my body was honest(what?)!

Come to think of it, it was the second time in my life that I went in the sushi-go-round restaurant; first time in 17 years. Did I succeed in grasping the Tobiko dish in my hand, after overcoming the too long 17 years absence? Gotta be cautious. Went through a warm-up first with Natto roll. *munch munch*

Say, I see no Tobiko dishes coming up ! !

Seems like no one’s ordered it! WHY!?

I had no choice but order it myself, "Er, excuse me! I’ll have one Engawa and . . . one Tobiko!" For some reason I needed to repeat only Tobiko order. Why . . .

Some moments later Engawa came along. Which was for my friend. I could see nothing but Tobiko right now. Is my Tobiko ready yet?

I waited and waited but Tobiko didn’t come along ! ! ahaha…
It’s completely forgotten. My Tobiko . . . What a poor thing!

I had no choice but re-order it: "Er, excuse me ! I’ll have one Hamachi, and . . . I ordered Tobiko some time ago and I’m still waiting for it . . . " For some reason I again needed to repeat only Tobiko order. Why . . .

Some moments later Hamachi came along.

Then, at last ! Tobiko came along —– ! ! ! !

Yummy! *munch munch* It’s so yummy~! It tastes granular~! I finally realized my longstanding hope! I regret nothing in my life for now! Ooohh! Ariel-! (T 0 T )

By the way this restaurant’s menu was a well-organized one, listing same sort of items in the same rows, but as my friend said, Tobiko was in the same row with Tuna-and-Mayonase roll, thingamajig salad roll and all those a little strange ones. Why~.

Ikura? Is it because of Ikura??? Is it because of the resemblance to Ikura? Oh yeah, you just can’t beat Ikura~. It’s got large pearls, bright colors, and in high favor among both children and adults. Tobiko, beaten more than needs because of its resemblance to the powerful enemy, A poor Tobiko . . .

Tobiko, like garnets existing quietly behind rubies . . . Tobiko, like a male idol group that finds it hard to be active in the frontlines of show business behind popular groups of Johnny’s. . .

Kim Jing Hyun supports Tobiko!

Maybe I’ll go to eat it again soon~~

Taken From Hirok’s Notebook 11th May 2007

Kuma-chan is curious about everything.

When you put some brochures or instruction books around, he’ll pick them up to have a look.

Bear paws are indeed an expensive foodstuff, but I should say Kuma’s paws would fetch much, much higher prices as his paws really look like fried shrimps, look so good.

Gotta protect him from poachers . . . ! ! !

Completely aside from this, I have a feeling that lately someone has been ding dong ditching my home every once in a while . . . Dang it, which kid is behind this?

I’ll catch the kid, next time for sure~!

Taken from Hiroko’s Notebook. May 17 2007

Dear Notepad,

When someone mentions to you about life, what;s the first thing that crosses your mind? Most people would recall their hardest and sadest moments. That’s because God could give you 100 over moments of joy and only 1 moment of hardship, and that hardship effects you the most. That’s whats make us humans… humans.

Well I guess for me it’s a different case! hehe. When the doctor asked me

"hiro-san, What is life to you?"

I smiled at him, without a doubt I answered

"Happiness"

That’s because, all my life, I hardly had any happiness, I’ve been through countless pain, hurt, depression, breakdowns and hardships I almost am numb to it. Nonetheless the pain still eats me up. But… There is a light, a light God gave me. A tint of Happiness and Joy to make sure I remember, I am still in his cradle no matter what happens.

God gave me friends who are caring, loving, indispensable and i shared so many happy moments with them, God gave me Kei-chan and Picasso and Fluffy to protect me and to be with me, Little achievements like success and triumph in cooking, changing seasons as an excuse to buy new clothes hehe and most of all, Joseph. God showed me a light to him and he shwoed me love and what Joy was about.

With these at mind, a memory i treasure forevermore, I have no regrets in events that has happened or events that are bound to come. Because I believe, There is always hope to keep us moving, walk this life till we are ready to return to him.

Everyone told me we weren’t meant to be, we weren’t destined and so many people tried to take us apart, but I still believe in him. Because I want to. Beause I love him. I still believe we could be together. Years from now… If he had someone else, I will be happy, because I believe that his choice is always good. He would’ve made the perfect choice.

See, this is a side of happiness people find it hard to do. WHich is letting go and be happy. True love, isn’t about being with the one you love, it’s being happy for them. I find my true happiness when I see him smile… and that’s where my happiness would always belong.

People come and go… we lose friends along the way but eventually, we’ll be together again.

This form of spirituality, energy, immaterial bonds that surpasses all emotions and feelings to the highest powers are called Peace, Faith & Hope. With these 3 in me, I will keep on smiling and living this life to the fullest. Because I still believe.

Taken From Hiroko’s noteback May 17 2007

Dear Notebook,

         When someone mentions life. What do you think is the first thing that hits their minds? painful memories or sweet memories? I think most people would answer "painful memories"

Why?

That’s because God could give you 100 over memories of happiness but only 1 memories of sadness, but that’s what hits you most. Vice versa, That’s me! Hehe.

WHen asked the question by my doctor. "Hiro-san, WHat is Life to you? Happiness or sadness?"

I smiled at him. Without a doubt, I said

"Happiness"

That’s because… all my life I have been through the worst time of my life, sadness, pain, breakdowns and depression, more than any happiness. Therefore, Every god gave me 1 happy moment, it’s the thing that affects me most.

The happiest moments of achieving a recipe, hanging out with my friends, being there for them, loving kei chan and picasso, the boys in the mansion, the changing seasons that gives me excuses to buy new clothes… and best of all, happiness shared with Kuma-chan. I probably could count the number of happy events in my life with one hand. I treasure that.

They probably are right. He isn’t meant for me. We are not destined together. He would be with someone else. But I still believe, that we were meant to be. I still do. If he chose someone else, I believe his choice is the perfect one for him. Because I sitll believe in him that’s why I’m still able to smile now.

It’s not being with someone you love that makes you truly happy. It’s seeing them being Happy which makes you feel truly happy. I am happy… He could start again so fast, Honestly yes it hurts to see him moving on so fast, but yet, I am happy.

I am happy and have no regrets to any events that happened or things that are bound to come in the future. We lose friends along the way, but eventually we will be together again.

What is the strongest emotion, feeling and energy that tops any fom of immaterial boundaries? Peace, Faith and Hope. With this three still in me, that no one can take away, I will survive.