7th Avenue

This is hopeless . . .

I give up.

I said "Ye(llow)!" only

I said "YE LLO W" slowly, with spacings

I said "Yellow!" fast.

I said it with an old-man like voice.

I stepped away from the MIC; angled it a little bit

I tried various things but now I give up. I’m not a masochistic type of person!

Nobody has ever told me "AGAIN" this many times but Miyake-san while I’m playign on diaphragams studies. As for thatcases it just makes sense to me, but things seem almost unreasonable to me this time!

Oh By the way, I watched Constantine. A good attempt on watching horror movies on my own!

But I had no guts to turn the volume on at all.. so I kept it at only 9% of the max volume. I could barely hear anything they’re saying! I missed all the main conversations and I tried to strain my ears but I was afraid a sudden shocking sfx sound would just blow my soul away (ToT) this is toturing!!

Does anyone knows why angle Gabriel is bad!!??? *flutters*

"Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day!," a huge-hit well-known software!

"Come to think of it Nintendo-san gave it to me, if I remember right . . . " It flashed across my mind, so I dug around and found it.

So here I am, going to play "Brain Train" for the first time, with a hu~ge delay behind the times. *thrilled*

First of all let’s play the one called "Quick Play." Female, Age 24, susceptible to the sound of the word "Quick."

Ah! So here it is, the one you answer questions with your voice!

What I should do is to answer the color name. Okay, let’s go! *pant pant*

"Red!"

*bingo*

"Blue!"

*bingo*

"Black!"

*bingo* (Hehe, this is a piece of cake!)

"Red!"

*bingo*

"Yellow!"

< AGAIN >

"Huh? Yellow!"

< AGAIN >

"Yellow ! ! !"

< AGAIN >

"Y E L L O W ! ! !"

< AGAIN >

"Yellow! Yellow! Yellow!"

< It seems your voice and the software are not compatible . . . >

OTL

. . . My voice or pronunciation might be strange. Let’s do it again!

The second try!

It’s going well again! Hm, Oh, Yellow came again, but I feel like I can make it this time!

"Yellow!"

< AGAIN >

Gah . . . !

"Yellow! (in a high key)"

< AGAIN >

"Yellow (mimicking Medama Oyaji)"

< AGAIN >

"Yellow (in a whisper)"

< AGAIN >

"YE~LL~OW~ (with a taste of "I Am A Thousand Wind That Blows")

< AGAIN >

"Yellow (in a low key)"

< AGAIN >

"Kirin desu…"(making the key as low as possible)"

< It seems your voice and the software are not compatible . . . >

*patience ran out*

(|||」｀□´)」*SQUEAKS*

Just stop playing around with me!

Hrmph! All right then I’ll just quit playing such a game and train my brain by reading out books, instead!

｡･ﾟ(´□｀)ﾟ･｡Weeeeep

I guess, some of you would have had such an experience like this.

Someone please let me know the knack to have the DS recognize my voice (T_T)

By the way, "Ace Attorney" never recognized my "Objection!" when I played it, but when my friend next to me shouted some dirty words it recognized those as "Objection," which got me down.

Was browsing through my folders and magazines and look what I found!

(O.O) Who’s that!? She looks so familiar!

I’ve seen her somewhere!?

Where!? ~(-o-~)

Izaki : "it’s you dammit"

Me : "EH?"

It doesn’t look like me. Yosh the power of make up is fantastic (T_T)

I remembered this last year when I was sragged into this shoot for Lemon. My skin  as you all know, are sensitive to make ups. So they had to use special natural organic sorta base to coevr my skin… I felt like an egg.

Nonetheless I’m sure you guys have seen this hehe. I’m just a lil stunned to come across this.

Maybe… I’m just not used to seeing myself do this sort of things. It’s sad! I’m bad at cameras and posing.

"EVAN! look who’s this!?" *sends scan*

"I don’t know… she has an awkward smile. Not model material"

"…"

"And long straight hair are so last season."

"…"

"She only has one shot in the entire page!? Haha!"

"…"

"…"

"That’s me"

"Oh wow pretty! damn! she’s fine!"

( -_-)=))x.x)

COme to think of it… everytime I shift an angle for the camera… I look horrendously different… Just how Kei-chan looks different every angle.

How grampa’s body changes when he turns around…

How Michiru’s hair looks different when she flips around…

How my dad’s face shape changes when he looks up and down…

…

It’s genetics… cool

friend of mine gave this slick opener to me!

(So this means I haven’t bought one up till now ahahaha……)

Just when I thought everything would be alright when I wake up. The doctors said I definitely would suffer short amnesia and I had to recap a few things with my body… But it wasn’t easy. I remembered almost everything. Lord help me.

My friends… all of you, at time I think you care too much for me, and I really truly love you guys for that. But there are lines to be drawn where vengeance is not the answer and crossing the line is not making things better. Why am I writing this here anyway, it won’t quite help anything now…

Is it time to really just give in to fate?

Anyway my dull day was brightened up today with a surprise visit from a very old friend. Chen Yi! Yeap! Hehe that man came knocking at my door and I was really shocked to see this familiar looking stranger.

“Did you come all the way from Taiwan to see me?”

“No I have a shoot here, just dropping by”

“So I’m not your top priority then? Chih”

“I skipped my schedules”

“…”

“…”

“Don’t blame me when you get caught”

Hehe I thought it’d be nice to have someone’s company with me today, especially from a friend I haven’t seen in ages. A friend that shared so much with me and many things happened, somehow it slipped.

We went to Roponggi! I wouldn’t say this place was a good place for food, but what he needed to fulfill his appetite was shopping not food! It was a tough escape from my house, but hey, who wouldn’t let me out on a date with Chen Yi~

After a long walk and shopping along the streets, we decided to eat… at MOS burger.

“Don’t you have these in Taiwan? I mean, it’s like McDonalds” I wondered

“We do? I don’t know… maybe we do or we don’t”

He’s as indecisive as he use to be heh. Not much has changed I guess. Maybe sometimes at those spur of a moment someone changes momentarily but time would bring their senses back. I’m beginning to think… sometimes human can’t change after all, no matter how hard we try, we are who we are.

Ah… I dropped my pickle…

He’s changed a lot though. More mature I should say. He brings himself up real well, it’s sad no one in Japan recognizes you yet aww… But I’m sure you would make it big! Kim Jing-Hyun is rooting for you yosh!!

It was so hot today, summer kills, but I’m sure for those who lives along the tropical hemisphere have no problem with this scorching degree (>_<) And I wore a beanie out cause my hair isn’t in a good shape at all… oh god, come to think of it, during my 2 ½ weeks of sleep I had not gotten a proper hair wash!

But it’d be weird to ask my guest to accompany me to a hair salon… but my hair was itching real bad… mommy what was I to do… so I came up with my lamest excuse.

“Hey Andy (His roman name) you hair looks dry, let’s go have it fixed!”

“It’s mat wax dear”

“It looks dry though, you don’t want people staring at a star with that hair :D”

“No one knows me here”

“I do”

“…”

“…”

“Ok I need a hair wash, look at my hair \(T.T\) (/T.T)/ *flutters*

So we ended up in Hair Salon Nickey!

And as compensation to my selfish and abrasive needs, I bought him a popsicle!

Love me. Hehe.

I had a great day, catching up a lot of stuff between the two of us. Thanks Andy.

Number 1. The day that doors or walls keep hitting my shoulders.
(I don’t mind it from like the 3rd time)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 2. When I look up at the sun and think "Ooh what a beautiful moon tonight."
(It makes me feel good for a moment)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 3. When staring at the cell phone screen then my eyes start to wander, and my one eye is in focus at ca. 1M away and the other eye is barely watching the blurry screen before I know it.
(But I can still read words and such)

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 4. When I can’t understand the meaning of words and images in a manga then reread the same page a couple of times, but my brain cannot process information at all and I end up giving up and shutting the manga.
(Having this when reading Death Note is less *dangerous* than reading "Lunatic Zatsugidan")

That happens. (’-’ )(._. )(’-’ )(._. ) *nodding head*

Number 5. When I go straight to bed after getting home, then wake up next morning and remember it that I’ve waken up once at midnight and uploaded a message half asleep, then check the content in a rush.
(It really scares me)
(Actually "Late-night English lesson" of the day before yesterday is the one)

Number 6. When I’ve gone to school with my pajamas on.
(I don’t care if someone says "You look like someone escaped from the hospital . . .")
(Could be very *dangerous* if I start thinking "Why shouldn’t we go out in pajamas?""What’s wrong with pajamas?")

That happ

That doesn’t happen ! ! ! ahahaha….

But that really happens to me! *snorts* (Why be arrogant)
You say someone could notice me outside? It seems I look like a mad woman or poor fish or both of them, so actually nobody notices me because it’s like people consider me as someone they shouldn’t see! (Maybe I’ll post this to "Trvia no Izumi")(Mom, I just heard the voice say "Don’t do it . . . " in my head)

There’s no twist ending at all.

Situations That Makes you too embarassed to confess

The boy, who was 1 year ahead of me in the elementary & junior high, has become a great dancer before I knew it!

w(’o')w Woow

Look at this. He’s flying. He’s dancing in the air.

I wonder what the percentage of his body fat is.

His name is Hattori Yukichi kun!
(Many of you’d have seen him in TOP RUNNER I guess?)

I learned about the stage he was to direct, choreograph and star, so I went straight to it with a friend of mine who graduated from the same school as me.

His appearance was not changed at all - his face, back and such looked just the same as they were, but his inside was changed so much, which made me surprised!

He looked great in a lot of ways, matured into a pretty nice guy. When in our 1st year at junior high . . . I remember he was such an annoying kid hehe… He was such a naughty kid, spoke fast and abbrasive ( . . . Huh? Am I talking about myself?) . . . I wonder just how many times he hit my head from behind when I sat right in front of him in Japanese language class . . .

Yukichi kun is the guy who hit my head most in my life. I always thought "Damn it~!" but was too afraid of him to fight back as I was his younger and junior.

So that way, he made a big impression to me.

I thought he wouldn’t remember me at all since he soon changed his school, but when he visited me today, which was a really big surprise, He said he heard of my case from a friend and decided to pay me a vist since he vaguely remembers me as that "girl with long tempting sikly black hair to tug on!" … really????

"Yeah, I was such a naughty kid at that time~!" He himself admitted it, so just let it go at this

So it was for the first time in 8 years~. It felt strange. Kinda creepy. The situation felt so, I mean. I felt time was space. Close yet so far away. But it exists right out there!

This stage titled RHAPSODY IN BLUE, is being held at Bunkamura in Shibuya this weekend. (*advertises*)

It was very fun. It was the type of stage that people who weren’t familiar with dance could enjoy. If you like music you may get into it soon.

The stage direction was quite youthful, in a good meaning! It was full of young energy, or rather, motivation. The most impressive thing was the movement of Yukichi kun though. Other performers were good too, but he was outstanding. His appearance immediately changed the stage atmosphere.

I better do my best too … FIGHTO!!!

By the way, the thing in the photo is an application form for his fan club I was given at the theater, not that I am a member of his fan club ! ! hehe

Anyway, how were you peoples’ Father’s day? Mine would be same ol same ol, it’s just me, my bed and some Tulips from Chiaki. I tried calling my Dad a million times but no answer. I’m sure his sons would’ve made him a nice gift though…

What do you think?? *snorts* hehe I made it with my barehands. sew em. Kinda childish don’t you think?

heh… He always said I was childish and would never grow up… SO I thought, being optimistic, he loves me the way I am, me his baby girl (If that ever happens…) Does this look like me…? damn… Innochi-san did not buy me the right materials and my hands could barely move. It’s like I try hard to get a hard grip but I sort of lost that strength. Jesus. Daddy I hope you like this gift… If you would ever get it.

Kei-chan visited me today. He ahs been watching too much cartoons… TOO MUCH.

Guess what he said when I told him I needed 3 more days to recover?

"CHEESE AND CRACKERS!!"

ahahaha oh my god he is so cute!!! My baby kei chan!!!! baby kuma kei chan!!! I miss you!

Alright I didn’t write this sooner, but I went to Shou-chan’s wedding reception the day before yesterday~! It was a pain having to being forced by my mother up from the ward (which somehow she worked her magic into buying the doctors to release me) wrapping myself in a Christian Lacroix evening gown which almost made me puke and limping my way to the reception… But it was fun!

Shou-chan looked a little different from usual, which was a cute thing, and his bride was beyond cuteness! (I don’t write her name here but her name is cute as well)

The reception was full of content, with a taste of quite Shou-chan-ish nice entertainment, common touching moments also, and gorgeous performances.

Tokumitsu-san the host was quite cynical and interesting as expected, and I listened to Naotaro’s live singing after a long time, which was so good~

By the way two kids were sitting at the same table with me, and we hit it off very well together. When I started drawing pictures and words on the jellylike sauce which came with the appetizer dish with a spoon, it caught their interest greatly and all 3 of us started creation in all seriousness.

First I drew the word "KUMA," then tried to draw Kuma- Chan next to it but failed so gave it up. Aoi-chan beside me drew her own name neatly. I sorta felt like I was beaten.

And there was a piece of white bear and key ornament which looks exactly like one I have… I wanted to ask her but was afraid, what If she thinks I am trying to take it from her!? O.O Aww, I really wanted to ask her. Or I could ask Innochi to do so for me . . . *regrets*

It wasn’t until I returned home, that I noticed I didn’t take any pictures of the reception at all since I don’t take pictures regularly . . . I could have uploaded some here if I’d taken something! (But it’s a pain for me to take pictures in such an occasion like that)

Still I took ceremonial photos with a number of people (whom I didn’t know), so perhaps some photos of me in my private one-piece might be seen somewhere in the meantime

That’s not a big deal for me.

What made me frustrated most was, the moment I thought of taking a picture of the dish with the written "KUMA," the hotel staff person came and ask me " . . . Would it be all right if I clear this dish away?", so I was taken off guard and replied "Oh, yes, no problem" . . . !

"She’s getting too old for this . . . " I’m pretty sure he’d think that way… haha

Dear all…

I think I’ve been in such a really really, ok wait, maybe not think, I AM in a very very very tough condition. A condition which brings me back when I was 14, the condition where you lay down helplessly, no one’s beside you, the one you hope comes for you, isn’t here for you. Lord, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t feel the same anymore. Feels like I’ve just went through another phase of life, a phase where I can stand up again but never will be the same again. Should I just go visit Oprah? She’d be great help haha…

Anyway I’m up from my sleep! Yosh! I know many of you find it hard to believe, but I guess the hardest things to believe are actually the ones that frequently happens. And There are things, I never believed would happen… happens. I’m writing this to all you friends… since I can’t quite be on any other form of communications right now.

First off… How did I get into a coma? Boy the procedure was dreadful… Doctors could o0nly induce you into coma only if you’re at the most critical state, to keep you alive so your body won’t go against the machineries. Most of you know what sickness I have… And it has worsen somehow, mainly because I have no grip of myself ahahaha… So I’m to blame hehe. Till the extent where I could not breathe, that’s when they have to drug me off with Mandozolims (was it spelt this way, since I never heard of it) to keep me at an average sleep.

Honestly, I though I’d wake up to 20 years later, but nope, 3 weeks later my eyes opened. I could see the light again. I couldn’t move a muscle, I didn’t know what was happening. And then that’s when memories started pouring in. And the pain in the heart, I really wished it was physical instead of mental pain. I’ve never felt this way before, it was different from every other hurting I’ve been through… It was so different… something, no matter how much I want to handle and get a grip on, slips through my fingers like grains of sands.

Being in a coma… I couldn’t quite feel or remember how it was, felt like it was just 2 seconds of closing my eyes… but I had so many visions… Visions of us, visions of him… visions of him and her… visions of God… Vision of that dream. It was pleasent yet unpleasent. Bittersweet. Painful. I could feel it.

I don’t know what to write actually heh… You guys must be thinking "she’s a freak" "jing hyun you never have been this weak" "useless" "why over a guy?" I guess you are right… But no one can deny… this love I have inside. As stupid as I could be, i’ve made up my mind… I’m hopeless. I Just gotta live this life with this love remained in my heart, with or without him, even if he’s with someone else. Believe me, I am happy for him. I am not jealous… Eversince I knew him all i wanted was him to be happy. Even if it hurts and kills me from the inside… I can sitll smile the way I am.

Actually… I don’t quite want anybody to know about my life, It’s like the movies at times. Honestly, I wished it was never like the movies. If you were here… no, you’d wish these tears away. Anyway I am just gonna give in to faith this time… webcams, phone talks, are my last hope, to let things die happily, everyone leaving with a happy heart. No vengeance no hatred… just peace and love. Is that possible…? Lord help me.

Many nights I pray, with no proof anyone could hear… In my heart a hopeful song I barely understood. Still I tried to reminisce all the songs that has been with me and him all the way. Songs I hum in my room alone hoping he’d hear and put him to sleep… Songs that I hum whenever I walk alone on the streets hoping he’d hear from the skies above I’m always with him.

Joseph… Just because I am not there to say "I love you" does not mean I don’t love you. It will never end, with or without you. Many times I felt the love you had for me, died when I was in my sleep. The heart of your just stopped beating, but I prayed harder, hoping you’d come back. But God told me, letting go, is also another form of love.

Love… comes in so any forms. Forms we can’t explain, forms we can’t see. It builds itself in various ways. True love, puppy love, false love, short love, long distance love, love, lost love… and more… It’s love.

Everyone, has a caption of their true-love. A shot of their true-love. Mine was when i first knew you, that geeky way you smiled on the cam, holding the tomato bottles up. That picture has remained in my head through all times.

We go through so many things together. Everyone, you and me. But when will it be time when we could finally achieve that happiness we have all been searching for?

Could anyone tell me answers for these questions…?

Is True love a one-sided love?

Those true Love comes only once in a lifetime?

Is True Love True…?

Does it die?

Will we ever achive peace?

Will the world ever be a place of harmony?

Is this a life of meaning or happiness?

Why aren;t you here with me…?