7th Avenue

Taken from Hiroko’s diary 18th May 2007

Tobiko, I loved so much when I was a kid ! ! ! (I’ll write it as "Tobiko" from here since it seems like "Tobikko" is a registered trademark, but in my mind I still call it "Tobikko")

I’ve never had a chance to eat it over the past dozen years or so although I loved it best among all the sushi items. I haven’t seen it in sushi restaurants; couldn’t find its name on the menus either. Sometimes I asked "You wouldn’t happen to have Tobiko, would you . . . "(asks timidly) but always got this answer: "No, ma’am."

Has Tobiko been a rare fish? Has the number of sushi restaurants having Tobiko been getting fewer lately ? I feel like I’ve eaten it a lot when I was a child . . . I thought about things like that, and then . . .

My friend: "Huh? Tobiko?? So you like Tobiko?? Then why don’t you just go visit sushi-go-round restaurants?"

（ﾟﾛﾟ）

Wwwhhhaaattt ! ! ! ! ! !
Are you serious ! ! ! ! !

"Oh, but I say a little slicker sushi-go-round restaurants may not have it"

Huh? What does it mean?

"I bet you can’t have it in those higher-priced sushi restaurants. ‘Cause it’s considered as a bit different type of fish. It’s somewhat off the standard sushi items, just like Tuna-and-Mayonase if I name it?"

EEEhhhhh ! ! ! ! ! Why ! How come! Tobiko tastes good! I mean, it’s not off the standard!
That can’t be true . . . Oh My God!

Although my mind was still in confusion by the astounding revelation, I went out straight to a sushi-go-round restaurant since my body was honest(what?)!

Come to think of it, it was the second time in my life that I went in the sushi-go-round restaurant; first time in 17 years. Did I succeed in grasping the Tobiko dish in my hand, after overcoming the too long 17 years absence? Gotta be cautious. Went through a warm-up first with Natto roll. *munch munch*

Say, I see no Tobiko dishes coming up ! !

Seems like no one’s ordered it! WHY!?

I had no choice but order it myself, "Er, excuse me! I’ll have one Engawa and . . . one Tobiko!" For some reason I needed to repeat only Tobiko order. Why . . .

Some moments later Engawa came along. Which was for my friend. I could see nothing but Tobiko right now. Is my Tobiko ready yet?

I waited and waited but Tobiko didn’t come along ! ! ahaha…
It’s completely forgotten. My Tobiko . . . What a poor thing!

I had no choice but re-order it: "Er, excuse me ! I’ll have one Hamachi, and . . . I ordered Tobiko some time ago and I’m still waiting for it . . . " For some reason I again needed to repeat only Tobiko order. Why . . .

Some moments later Hamachi came along.

Then, at last ! Tobiko came along —– ! ! ! !

Yummy! *munch munch* It’s so yummy~! It tastes granular~! I finally realized my longstanding hope! I regret nothing in my life for now! Ooohh! Ariel-! (T 0 T )

By the way this restaurant’s menu was a well-organized one, listing same sort of items in the same rows, but as my friend said, Tobiko was in the same row with Tuna-and-Mayonase roll, thingamajig salad roll and all those a little strange ones. Why~.

Ikura? Is it because of Ikura??? Is it because of the resemblance to Ikura? Oh yeah, you just can’t beat Ikura~. It’s got large pearls, bright colors, and in high favor among both children and adults. Tobiko, beaten more than needs because of its resemblance to the powerful enemy, A poor Tobiko . . .

Tobiko, like garnets existing quietly behind rubies . . . Tobiko, like a male idol group that finds it hard to be active in the frontlines of show business behind popular groups of Johnny’s. . .

Kim Jing Hyun supports Tobiko!

Maybe I’ll go to eat it again soon~~

Taken From Hirok’s Notebook 11th May 2007

Kuma-chan is curious about everything.

When you put some brochures or instruction books around, he’ll pick them up to have a look.

Bear paws are indeed an expensive foodstuff, but I should say Kuma’s paws would fetch much, much higher prices as his paws really look like fried shrimps, look so good.

Gotta protect him from poachers . . . ! ! !

Completely aside from this, I have a feeling that lately someone has been ding dong ditching my home every once in a while . . . Dang it, which kid is behind this?

I’ll catch the kid, next time for sure~!

Taken from Hiroko’s Notebook. May 17 2007

Dear Notepad,

When someone mentions to you about life, what;s the first thing that crosses your mind? Most people would recall their hardest and sadest moments. That’s because God could give you 100 over moments of joy and only 1 moment of hardship, and that hardship effects you the most. That’s whats make us humans… humans.

Well I guess for me it’s a different case! hehe. When the doctor asked me

"hiro-san, What is life to you?"

I smiled at him, without a doubt I answered

"Happiness"

That’s because, all my life, I hardly had any happiness, I’ve been through countless pain, hurt, depression, breakdowns and hardships I almost am numb to it. Nonetheless the pain still eats me up. But… There is a light, a light God gave me. A tint of Happiness and Joy to make sure I remember, I am still in his cradle no matter what happens.

God gave me friends who are caring, loving, indispensable and i shared so many happy moments with them, God gave me Kei-chan and Picasso and Fluffy to protect me and to be with me, Little achievements like success and triumph in cooking, changing seasons as an excuse to buy new clothes hehe and most of all, Joseph. God showed me a light to him and he shwoed me love and what Joy was about.

With these at mind, a memory i treasure forevermore, I have no regrets in events that has happened or events that are bound to come. Because I believe, There is always hope to keep us moving, walk this life till we are ready to return to him.

Everyone told me we weren’t meant to be, we weren’t destined and so many people tried to take us apart, but I still believe in him. Because I want to. Beause I love him. I still believe we could be together. Years from now… If he had someone else, I will be happy, because I believe that his choice is always good. He would’ve made the perfect choice.

See, this is a side of happiness people find it hard to do. WHich is letting go and be happy. True love, isn’t about being with the one you love, it’s being happy for them. I find my true happiness when I see him smile… and that’s where my happiness would always belong.

People come and go… we lose friends along the way but eventually, we’ll be together again.

This form of spirituality, energy, immaterial bonds that surpasses all emotions and feelings to the highest powers are called Peace, Faith & Hope. With these 3 in me, I will keep on smiling and living this life to the fullest. Because I still believe.

Taken From Hiroko’s noteback May 17 2007

Dear Notebook,

         When someone mentions life. What do you think is the first thing that hits their minds? painful memories or sweet memories? I think most people would answer "painful memories"

Why?

That’s because God could give you 100 over memories of happiness but only 1 memories of sadness, but that’s what hits you most. Vice versa, That’s me! Hehe.

WHen asked the question by my doctor. "Hiro-san, WHat is Life to you? Happiness or sadness?"

I smiled at him. Without a doubt, I said

"Happiness"

That’s because… all my life I have been through the worst time of my life, sadness, pain, breakdowns and depression, more than any happiness. Therefore, Every god gave me 1 happy moment, it’s the thing that affects me most.

The happiest moments of achieving a recipe, hanging out with my friends, being there for them, loving kei chan and picasso, the boys in the mansion, the changing seasons that gives me excuses to buy new clothes… and best of all, happiness shared with Kuma-chan. I probably could count the number of happy events in my life with one hand. I treasure that.

They probably are right. He isn’t meant for me. We are not destined together. He would be with someone else. But I still believe, that we were meant to be. I still do. If he chose someone else, I believe his choice is the perfect one for him. Because I sitll believe in him that’s why I’m still able to smile now.

It’s not being with someone you love that makes you truly happy. It’s seeing them being Happy which makes you feel truly happy. I am happy… He could start again so fast, Honestly yes it hurts to see him moving on so fast, but yet, I am happy.

I am happy and have no regrets to any events that happened or things that are bound to come in the future. We lose friends along the way, but eventually we will be together again.

What is the strongest emotion, feeling and energy that tops any fom of immaterial boundaries? Peace, Faith and Hope. With this three still in me, that no one can take away, I will survive.

Woke up at dawn this morning, I don’t know why but I headed straight to the kitchen all of a sudden and started washing dishes.

Maybe it was because my gripping power wasn’t on full blast yet just after woke up, but when I finished rinsing a rather big bowl and swung it to swish water off, it slip!!!ped out of my hands, fell into the sink and got broken to pieces.

Sometimes it happens to me that things slip out of my hands when I’m doing the washing-up, but I never thought a thick bowl could get broken to pieces like that . . .

Well that made me completely awake after all . . . but I was so surprised. (Do I have a giant’s strength?)

By the way this bowl, my friend always asks me why I’m using such a old-fashioned one like this, but I say . . . Don’t you think it’s good because it’s type of the bowl you’d see when you visit your parents’ home? That’s just the image I have, though. ahahaha…. When you visit your friend’s parents’ home, his/her mother’s or grandma’s dishes would be served by the plain-color tablewares like this, you know.

With a little longing I bought the bowl and dish with this pattern at the store that only my neighborhood old women would visit, ’cause I thought maybe I might feel like I’m dining out if I used fancy tablewares.

Well, it’s broken now, so maybe it’s about time I go buy some fancy ones too~

I realised, today would actually be my last day awake! Yeap… back to hospital tomorrow… and probably gonna be staying there for…years hehe. Maybe by the time I got p, everything’d did seem just like yesterday. No point loking back now. Hope my final talk with him tomorrow (whis is also my first) would be the final sweet memory I could keep.

After all it seems like he has made alot pretty friends, new nice friends and people who could match up to him. Ahaha… after all, I don’t think I could be in his league. I did my best though. Really did my best, I don’t quite want to see this as some sort of bad thing actually. People who have betrayed me or not, is just part of life isn’t it? A circle of motion we go through.

I got used to those medical smell I must say. And this would be my final entry. No goodbyes, but… See you!

PROLOGUE

I bought a set of cooking tools for some reason when was still in Malaysia, And when I brought it back to Japan I noticed Our Kitchen here is the size of 3 living rooms with complete utensils. Nonetheless Jing-Hyun likes her own set the most~~ *flutters*

But a friend of mine (♀) told me it would be much fun if we did cooking together, which ignited my cooking soul! Two girls, cooking happily together . . . ! How girly! How cute! I just gotta do it ! ! ! ahaha

In girls’ school I had "A" grades in cooking of home economics, though I may not look it! (I don’t know the reason why)
I have a knack for breaking an egg open one-handed! (Actually, I can’t break it two-handed . . . I’m often told that’s strange?)

So, being taught what to do from my friend, I’ve done cooking together with her at my home several times up till now, eaten the results, enjoyed praising ourselves like "Oh this is so yummy-!" "We’re some of genius!" "Maybe this could be fit for sale, couldn’t it?!"

CHAPTER 1

On this day, we took on the challenge of making a pear tart. And I have never attempted this before, to those who thinks I’m some cooking genius from Eastern Arab~

You may think "What?! So you did try to overcome such a high hurdle from the start??", but I heard my friend had made it once, and also we’ve made a steamed banana cake together in the past. Let’s work it out with the recipe book! We’re gonna make sweets, which all girls love!

First of all let’s go food shopping! Two girls, shopping cheerfully in the supermarket with a memo in their hand . . . Yes yes yes, this is exactly the girly behavior that I was desperately looking for . . . Since Hardly I ever done this with Melissa or Sally. . . or even Bonnie I’m sorry!!!!!! Namie would do. . . hehe

Oops ! ! We haven’t got canned pears, the key item for our cooking!

" . . . Maybe canned peaches would be OK, right?"

"Yeah."

Is it really OK —-? ! !

We should stop fussing over trivial things like peach or pear or whatever, to accomplish a big thing! The essence! We gotta keep sight of the essence of things!

So, we finished food shopping and got home. Now we go on to make a *peach tart* *Kya*

Let’s see, first of all . . .

My friend: "AAAAAAHHHHH ! ! ! ! !"

Me: "What! What’s wrong!"

My friend: "Jing-Hyun . . . I’m wondering if you have a can opener. Do you?"

Me: " . . . Well"

Both The girls stared into the huge kitchen with more than 90 drawers around…

Me: ". . .No I don’t"

And our chefs are all out, the maids are busy I didn’t wanna quite bother them. . .

Does our challenge end here, this quickly ? ! ! !

CHAPTER 2

As ill luck would have it, this canned peach was the old type one, which couldn’t be opened without a can opener.

"Maybe we need to go to the 100-yen shop in some distance to get one, and that shop is the closest to here. We can’t be bothered."

"Hmm . . . I hate to say it, but shall we give it up for today?"

At this time, my friend got an important phone call. My friend came on line in the living room. Canned peach and I were left in the kitchen.

( . . . Can’t we make it with the tools in my house ? . . . )

Jing-Hyun eventually took out a pair of kitchen scissors. (adds the tastes of sub-vocals in Tuesday Suspense Theater) *crack* *crack* *crack* I hit the scissors against the can a little harder, which made a dent on the surface of the can. Jing-Hyun’s eye expression changed.

( . . . Yes I can make it . . . ! )

Jing-Hyun rose the scissors up. *pound* . . . *pound* . . .

"! ! ! Snorts ! ! !"

*! ! ! zunk ! ! !*

( I brought it down . . . ! )

Jing-Hyun put the scissors into the pierced hole and made cuts in the can with all her might.

"Hmmmm! Yah! Yah! *pant* *pant* . . . This is hard to do, really. My hand aches . . . Dammit! Just a little more ! ! *!snorts!* *!snorts!* Hiyahhh ! ! ! Take that ! ! !"

Then, at this moment my friend hung up and returned back to the kitchen.

And what she saw was . . .

CHAPTER 3

Namie: "Su. . . SUGGGEEEEEE!!!!"

Me: "Hehe, I tried very hard☆"

I almost scooped out the inside! (It’s cuts of white peach, by the way) So, I tried to pry the can open a little more. Seemed like my friend was worrying about me, since the cut edge of the can was sharp. I proceeded carefully.

Aight! This will do! Now all I gotta do is turn the can upside down and shake it against the basket ! ! Shake shake ! !

Yah!

*thud*

(|||」｀□´)」Aaaaaghh!!! Something thudded out! One piece came out!

. . . I have a bad feeling about this. But there’s no alternative way. I have no choice but stick it to the end, with this method.

Yah!

*thud*

Yah! Yah!

*thud* *thud* *thud thud*

The two of them felt greatly fulfilled when the can went empty.

Then they went straight into the photo session of the empty can ! ! ! "This is ART!" "Wow this is great ma’am! Look at this wild cut edge!" - they kept taking the pictures of it praising themselves. Wasn’t it called trash . . .?

They were completely in the state of natural high. They felt a bunch of chemicals in the brain like adrenaline, dopamine, and whatnot coming out.

I wonder what this is all about.

This type of pleasure, that you feel when you achieve a goal in an inconvenient way, not through conventional methods.

The strange sense of superiority that you feel when you pick up something with your toe, even though it is at your arm’s length if you change your position.

That’s the fun of innovations. The joy of expanding your possibilities. The spirit in adversity to overcome self-imposed restriction and pull off a victory.

So this is how humanity has evolved . . . :*:･(*´ｰ｀)

(Although my idea and action were that of chimpanzee☆ I’m not making any sense am I?)

(T O T) Mom I made it! I managed to open the can without the can opener! I won! I beat the can!

ENCORE

So here is the tart. Done.

It turned out to be fairly tasty, after many twists and turns. The good thing about making it yourself is that you can adjust the sweetness to suit your tastes!

Maybe this tart would’ve looked better if I’d put some peach jam or white powder onto the surface, but it was plain just as it was, which was good!^^ I still didn’t have any jam!)

But this time I thought that I might be suited to making desserts, unexpectedly. When I was making dough, cream and such, my nervousness exploded and I measured things strictly with stern expression. It was the moment that my kitchen almost turned to laboratory. Maybe it would be fun if I made desserts in a white coat! (I’m pretty serious!)

The procedure of stretching dough over the pan was like working with clay, which was pretty fun~

Oh, this is just an aside, but it wasn’t until the tart was ready and to be taken out of the pan that I realized I didn’t have any large plates . . . (Yes yes I know that can’t be true) I rushed into putting saran warp on the round plate of the microwave, then arranged the tart on it.

"That can’t be, that can’t be" - seemed like Namie wasn’t so happy with that, but for me it was fairly a good idea. I admit it doesn’t look good though. Ha ha ha ha. (Now who said she’s a nervous time of person?)

I’m dedicating this Pie for my beloved Contract Honey Khai Yong! Though it doesn’t look nice, but it tastes nice! *chu*

The End

EPILOGUE

Last Night was a killer. I don’t know what’s wrong with me already. The depression in me was too deep and the fact of betrayal, hurt and pain was eating me, till it made me short on breath and I was sent to the hospital for oxygen tanks. I can’t breathe!? O.O

Everytime I tried to inhale deep there isn’t any air going in my lungs at all. . . I keep wondering why this happens. . . wait. . . why are people doing this to me. . .

I keep asking myself… How long Do I have to wait… How long DO I have to wait…?

Why Isn’t anyone with me..? Why did the one i trusted so deeply Is not with me..? Why Are my friends not on my side? Why is everyone against me..?

Are Those proof really proofs..? Is it fair you use it against me? What Have I done wrong to you..? Nothing..? And after all you did to me do you think it’s right? Why do you keep listening to other voices..? Who has been with you throughout the time..? been with you through tears and joys…? Or those the brotherly word takes voer the love?

What Have I done to you people? That you must find all faults that does not side me and use it against me? Have I massacred your family…? Or maybe stole your girlfriends or boyfriends..? Have I ever lied..? What do you want from me..? Just to prove my worth you do not allow..? Are you happy now..?

Shall I sleep through the seasons..? But I end up hurting others…? I want to prove myself but in this condition what can I do..? Lord please let me now.. this hard test… what should I do…?

Is asking for simple love and hugs so hard…? Has good men dissapeared? Is true love all about pain..? Is Trust and belief baffled? Is Faith a Hope I could only hang on the stars…? Lord?

Anyway Today is Mother’s day… Through these aching bones, killing headache, dreadful heart, I did my best to put on a smile, and gather all my breath to make her a Blueberry Pie.. her favourite of all pies..

So I thought I’d just work myself up a lil, "Jing Hyun Fighto!!!" ah That made me feel better somehow hehe…

And spent the night preparing ingredients and apstings, and the whole morning making the Pie…

Eureka! Completed! *phew*

(|||」｀□´)」!!!! I forgot to add her favourite Blueberry jam toppings (TДT) no time for that now…

She’d be back any minute… So I waited…

And Mom never returned home… Satoshi-jiisan said my Mom was out with ehr boyfriend. Oh… That makes sense now, well this will just have to go to Kei-chan!

How’s your mother’s day? I hope you guys spent some really quality time with your mother.. no matter what they do, they still love you inevitably…

Today, the hospital finally decided to release me..which I wasn’t so psyched about… but they said I should go fulfil whatever I wanna do before that procedure… hehe don’t worry, I’ll let you guys know whats it about in a few days aight!

I can’t believe I actually spent my Golden Week in the ICU the whole time… and actually had to cancel my coming major exams for that hehe… But I’ll make it through!

Anyway, Today I vacuumed the floor for the first time in a long while.

ｷｲﾀ?( ﾟдﾟ)ｵｸｻﾝ(ﾟдﾟ )ｱﾗﾔﾀﾞﾜｧ

Wh, wait a minute! It’s not that I’ve been blowing off cleaning! Actually I love cleaning!

I clean up my room withQuickle Wiper and Colocolo almost everyday to avoid vacuuming as much as possible, you know. I spend every spare moment with Quickle Wiper. Actually I’ve got a little blister at the base of both ring fingers. I don’t think you can beat it, ha ! ! ! (Maybe I’ve gone too far)

I almost never use a vacuum cleaner because I’ve always disliked it

Its sound scares me(TДT)

ROARRRR— ! ! WHIRRRR— ! ! - those sounds scare me and that’s why I’m not good at it. It sounds kinda angry to me…

The metallic sound of dentist’s drill isn’t a big deal to me and there are not so much sounds in my daily life that I’m not good at, but for some reason I never get used to a vacuum cleaner. I enjoy using Quickle Wiper and Colocolo as they don’t make sounds.

Have you just said, that the hugeness of the vacuum cleaner is to blame?

Well indeed, I wonder why I’m using such a heavy one like this… I’ve been using this one without meaning anything ’cause It’s been at my home for a long time…

AH! Now I get it! ahahaha~

No wonder I find it hard to use this one! ohohoh…

Look, this one is really big and heavy. I know there exists handy type ones and rechargeable smaller ones too. Maybe I’ll go see them at the electric appliance store~

But no matter how quiet the one I find will be, I’ll keep Quickle Wiper and Colocolo in the starting member and the vacuum cleaner will warm the bench-kun~.

Quickle Handy is also nice, but its touch somewhat reminds me of Kuma Chan’s hands, and I don’t use it very often because it makes me sad to watch it getting dirty used for cleaning . . .

I LOVE Kuma Chan~~~~ ･:*:･(*´ｰ｀)

So many things happened lately, People are starting to fall apart, and there I lay, on this bed, with this laptop, talking about my deepest feelings (well, not so deep actually hehe) to an "online" yeap, you got that! "Online" friend. Pretty blunt of me you’d say haha. But anyway I really misjudged him. I hope he is happy right now. hmmmm…. maybe that’s why I don’t feel his prayers at all…?

How frustrating!!!  (;｀Д´)≡⊃)ﾟoﾟ(⊂≡(｀Д´；)

But after I update my whole friendster once I send my announcement e-mail, I will be deleting a few people off~ Some memories and people are better off forgotten.

Look she’s grown up a lot~.

I took this one in the best-lighted area of my home since people always point out that my images are very dark.

It does look quite well-lit. Maybe too bright? Aww I have no idea. What’s the standard~. But at least now I realized how dark my past own pictures looked !! I’ll be more careful from now on !

Well then. Please draw your attention to this DVD~!! It’s Disney-san’s The Little Mermaid!

It was released in 1989 in America, and it seems like the 5-year-old me thought "This is it ! ! !" and got hooked on the little mermaid in sleep or wake for a while. As I have this habit of keeping drawing exactly the same thing for a couple of months when I go nuts over something, and at this time I drew heaps of pictures of Ariel sitting on a rock~. (Before that one I drew Nippontsuru. Maybe I loved its having a red part only on the top of its head.)

What thrilled me much was the sense of color rather than the story, and on top of that, I really really really really loved the title tune "A Part Of Your World" more than anything else ! !

When I hum a tune this is the song that comes up even now. I had a huge huge crush on its melody, lyrics and everything. So this is what’s called "yearning" - I don’t if I thought that way, but anyway it was such an eureka moment to me.

A while ago I found this DVD at a convenience store, which brought back my memories, so I bought it, went back home and watched it while taking a bath. I dropped tears into the bathtub at the scene that Ariel sang the title tune ! I was in the state of "Oh My God my eyes are watering so I can’t see the tiny screen of my waterproof DVD player well !".

And you know, after that, no matter how many times I watch the DVD I always start crying in that scene. I guess her way of singing would be pretty good. Her skill to control waves of vocal inflection is just amazing. I mimicked and practiced her singing thousand times. Oh, I just remembered I have the sheet music also.

I watched the Japanese-dubbed version for the first time and got shocked to find that the singing was fairly plain. I have no idea if it is because of the interpretation of either voice actor san or staff people, but anyways I’m disappointed with it a bit since I cannot feel the vibe of building up excitement which the original version has ! I’d say it is quite rare I review someone else’s song, but please allow me to comment on this single one ! I’m just an another snappy fan !

It’s the song of my soul . . . I thought back to the lyrics of this song when I became famous and unable to go out casually. The part of the lyrics that Ariel shows longing for walking on the ground. Ooohh! Ariel - ! ! !   (T 0 T )

I’m not good with seawater, by the way . . .