7th Avenue

Works kills.. I don’t know why but I feel lonely when I work or study. I’m pretty sure I go like "Aaaaghhh, Jesus!!! Damn it! Wee~~~~p! My Kuma Chan~!" tearing my hair more frequently when I redo my thesis than when I cook . . . It’s like, you get frustrated like "the word that once slipped your mind is right on the tip of your tongue but you can’t recall it" . . . until you wrap it up . . . it’s like a "I’m so concerned about it that I can’t sleep!" situation.

Sometimes my grampa gives me a book. Like, saying he found a book that I’d be interested in, or he recommends me books that he’s read and found interesting lately.

This is the one I got from him the other day. "Kakinomoto no Hitomaro ~the person and his works~." This is a hardcover edition, solid made. You can see a nice illustration on the cover

I put this in my bag to read in spare moments from my work, and one day I went out with my friend bringing it with me!

My ke-tai rang while doing shopping together. I rushed to search for my ke-tai in my bag since the store was fairly quiet. But there were many kinds of stuff in my bag, which made it not easy to find my ke-tai~! First of all I took out the book which was interrupting my search . . . Ah, there it is, I found my ke-tai.

That happens often actually, but I noticed my friend was staring at my hands . . .

Friend " . . . What is it? "

Me "Huh? . . . Oh, well, you mean this. This is, you know . . . Kakinomoto no Hitomaro . . . "

Friend " . . . "

Me " . . . "

Friend " I see . . . "

I don’t remember too much about what happened then, but if I remember right, I just changed the topic not mentioning Kakinomoto no Hitomaro at all.

kupi chan is late again…….. damn

sometimes you have lotsa people coming to you and asking you "are you ok?" and all you said was "i’m perfectly fine" smiling. and then they don’t ask any further and walk off… leaving you behind alone.. again. Some people don’t think it’s wise to ask.. but i think it’s always wise to ask.. so someone knows at least you’re there for them, you’re with them and there lies your undying support. the simple question like "whats wrong?talk to me hunz" is always so comforting to me, though i know i do find it hard to express my thoughts at time… but at the same time i dont wana be left alone there too.. i guess i only got my friends on this, not shy or afraid to ask whether or not there was anything wrong with me..

heh honestly.. i hate lookin out for people ro taking care of em.. but somehow my otehr side always tells me to look out for em.. then whos gonna look out for me..? I have to abide to other feelings and if they have a prob and all and they are keeping it to themselves, stupidly i just abdie and pretend everythin was ok.. then did they ever considered my own feelings when they did that…? I dont mean to be selfish.. but i wana feel needed and loved at times too.. im still..human.

their excuses will always be they dont want me to get worried or sad yadayada then whats the point of me loving them for as a friend and family? i know it hurts more that they keep things from you rather than not sharing it with you… i know all of you out there can relate to me too right? anyway it’s not like i’ve not been getting the same complains from my girls haha…. sigh…

hope seems like the summer birds so swiftly fly away..